Always on the edge of losing my temper

I feel angry,grumpy,foul-tempered,hostile and argumentative ...all the time.It's like anything that demands my energy or attention makes me angry.It's a commodity I'm running short of.I don't have energy to exercise and lose those love handle and muffin tops.I don't have energy to study for tomorrow's big round.I don't have energy to learn to read and interpret CTScan.I don't have energy to begin part 1 prep. I don't have energy to learn arythmias from Dubin.I don't have energy to depend on myself for making diagnosis.There's so much in my own life that requires  my time and energy,then how dare anyone else come and demand from me something that's so rare and short and what for? For small talk and stupid issues that don't concern me.I don't pray on time or regularly.I don't read Quran regualarly.There's so much that's deeply and chronically wrong in my life.How can I have healthy temper with such a swamp of baseline foulness.Things I want to achieve.
1.I want to lose 6 kg till the end of January 2015.
2.I want to be able to update my dressing sense and dress smartly and a little stylishly.I dress like a beggar now a days.
3.I want to make mindful prayers.Mindful prayers.I feel if my prayers aren't right,then nothing else in my life has any chance of being right.

Oh Allah... I beg you for forgiveness. I'm empty.I don't have any motivation,any hope of improving upon my animal like pathetic condition.Please have mercy on me.Please forgive me.Please let leave the work-shirking behaviors and snappiness.

Lemon Cake

It's 30th day in medicine HJ.Mawra asked if I wanted to got to the trip.It's something I would suddenly get all excited about but this time,I didn't feel like going.It felt pointless.Going to functions,trips seemed pointless to me in first year MBBS too because I felt overwhelmed and disappointed.Overwhelmed at the no of thing I needed to learn and disappointed by my own laziness.The question was a like Proust's lemon cake to me,it stirred the inhibiting thoughts of my 5-year-old-self,I understood why everything seemed pointless to me then.And i wasn't ready to do much about anything that seemed fruiutful.